Rapunzel - The Other Version

Once upon a time, although not too long ago for the tale to have changed out of all proportion, there lived a man and a woman.  They weren't rich but lived comfortably in a nice little semi on the outskirts of Manchester.  The man (whom we shall call Bert for convenience) worked nine 'till five in a rather dead-end job, before returning home each night to spend time with the woman (whom shall here after be referred to as Sally).  Now Bert and Sally had most things that you could wish for in life; a smart company car, a sensible mortgage, and two weeks paid holiday per annum.  In fact, their lives were almost perfect in every way except for one thing.  A child.  Long had they wished for a baby but despite all their best efforts (including plenty of red meat and an abstinence from thermal underwear on Bert's part), there had been no result.

Now we know what Bert did for his daily bread, but what did Sally do all day I hear you ask.  Well I can tell you; she started off as a nurse in the special baby unit of the local hospital.  She loved this job dearly but after many years of childlessness she felt that she couldn't continue so resigned.  At the time our tale starts she was a housewife with a slight addiction to medical dramas, and the beginnings of a worrying habit of cooing over strangers' babies in public places.

All the time Sally spent in the house led to her spending an awful lot of time prying on her neighbours.  The easiest neighbour to watch lived in the house that backed onto Sally and Bert's, but they were also the least interesting.  Her actual name wasn't known but she was acknowledged locally as "Madcap Mary".  Mary was not only uninteresting, but she kept cats and smelt like damp mothballs (not that anyone went near enough to smell her after making the mistake once).  In fact, the only thing worth looking at was her garden.  Mary had the most lavish garden in the neighbourhood.  In the entire borough perhaps.  She had red cabbage, yellow tomatoes, and purple carrots.  Cornflowers and poppies and nasturtiums.  It was all very beautiful apart from one plant.  This was a dull green and seemed unkempt.  Sally often wondered what this plant was and why Mary kept it there, for she had painstakingly constructed a miniature fence around the plot to prevent the cats from touching it.

Day after day Sally looked at the plant, and the more she did the less unattractive it seemed.  In fact, after a few weeks she began to wonder what it would taste like, and spent many hours imagining it in a salad, cooked in a white sauce, or simply raw and fresh.  Naturally, Bert noticed that his wife was not her normal self and asked her what was wrong.  Upon hearing about the mysterious plant he paced the room and attempted to clutch at the few millimetres of hair remaining on his head.  No one knew what it was called, so how could he get some for Sally?  Hoping that this was just a phase he did nothing and let the matter lie.  Time passed and, rather than return to her previous daytime television watching self, Sally grew pale and withdrawn.  In desperation, Bert waited until nightfall and crept into Mary's garden to steal a sprig of the plant.

Back home Sally devoured the leaves greedily and at once declared she felt better.  Until the morning that was.  She woke up with an even greater longing for the plant.  Far from satisfying her need, the small taste had amplified her desire by three.  By that evening she was moaning and groaning so much that Bert had no other choice.  Once again descending over the small brick wall he tiptoed towards the patch of plants…to find himself face to face with Madcap Mary herself.  Smiling sweetly he remarked, "good day," before sidestepping the woman in an attempt to grab the treasure and run.  No such luck.  Swinging her carpetbag she rapped him clean around the head and Bert fell to the floor in a daze.  A few seconds later he became aware that his bed was feeling rather cold and damp, and that there wasn't usually a view of pop-socks and knobbly knees.  The sound of mutterings and the occasional shriek of annoyance reached his ears and he remembered where he was.  "I...I…I just wanted, no! Needed! Some of that there plant for my wife you see; she's ill and I fear that that's all that may cure her.  I am so terribly sorry that I had to get hold of it like this…" Bert floundered, but Mary didn't seem angry any more.  A slow grimace spread across her face (we can only assume she was trying to smile but hadn't quite got the hang of it) and she began to motion with her hands.  Garbling something about children and Sally and a baby for herself, she seized a plant straight out the ground and thrust it at Bert announcing, "Rampion you, baby me."  Not wanting to cause unnecessary distress he took the leaves and backed away, nodding at Mary.

Bert didn't tell Sally what had happened and soon forgot about what the old hag had said, putting her ramblings down to whisky and too long alone.  The rampion plant that he'd been given was sufficient for a small salad every day and Sally's health improved vastly. She became happier and more positive and, to their amazement, pregnant!  They were delighted and spent many hours decorating a room with yellow walls (for they were traditionalists and didn't want to find out whether it should be blue or pink), friezes of ducklings, and shelves full of bunny rabbits, teddy bears and ABC blocks.

When the joyous day came Sally cursed and swore no end, but she soon fell quiet when she gazed upon the face of their beautiful baby daughter.  Everything was fine and the next day the new family returned home.  News spread and many neighbours dropped in to say, "hello," and to coo over the child.  After a week or so Sally and Bert were feeling less and less friendly and more and more tired.

By Saturday it seemed to have quietened down.  Bert was sitting feeding the baby while Sally tucked into a nice rampion salad when the door flung open and a terrifying shape was silhouetted.  The couple looked up in terror as Madcap Mary stepped into the room, picking leaves out of her hair.  Calmly she walked over to Bert and grasped the baby in her wrinkly hands.  Pointing at the plate of salad she nodded and made a thumbs-up sign at Bert.  Sally cried out but it was too late.  With remarkable speed the hag had disappeared, taking the baby with her.  Bert couldn't find any way to comfort his wife.  He explained about his encounter in the garden and how he had agreed to everything, assuming that they would never conceive.  Even the letter that arrived, telling them that Rapunzel (as the child was now called) was safe and sound and would be brought up with all the love she needed, did nothing to stay the tears that fell from Sally's eyes (incidentally, the letter also added that she might like to try smoking the rampion plant as Mary had always found it rather good herself; which explains a lot).

But what did happen to Rapunzel?  As promised, Mary brought her up with everything she needed and she became the most beautiful child under the sun.  She never saw another soul aside from the elderly woman but she was happy.

On Rapunzel's twelfth birthday, Mary told her to put her best shoes and a warm sweater on as they were going for a little walk.  It turned out not to be all that little for the child's short legs.  When they stopped in the middle of an old, deserted council estate she was too tired to wonder why they were there.  Picking their way through the rubble to the least dilapidated block of flats, Mary explained that Rapunzel was going to stay here for a while, and that when she heard the woman's call she was to do what was asked straight away.  Yawning loudly, it was all the girl could manage to nod, before falling asleep on the putrid green carpet.

When she woke (in what we can only assume was the following morning), Rapunzel's nose was about two centimetres away from an old curry carton.  Sitting up and stretching, she inhaled deeply and immediately regretted it.  The smell of musty furniture and urine invaded her nostrils and she coughed delicately.  Padding across the room she doused her face in cold water and went to peer out of the window.  It was a long way down.

A few days later and things were looking no better.  The door was well and truly locked although the flat looked slightly more habitable after a good tidy.  Rapunzel had found the fridge well stocked, and the little microwave just about heated food if you gave it half an hour or so.  Waste had to be thrown out of the little window though as there was no rubbish chute to be found.

Rapunzel was sitting on the floor playing noughts and crosses with herself in the dust when she heard a cry from outside.  "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair to me!"
Peering over the sill she saw Mary down below and called out in delight, "Mary!  You'll have to try the stairs down there; the door up here's jammed."
This didn't please the old woman at all.  "Listen to me child, let your hair over the bar and I shall climb up it.  NOW!"  Pausing for a moment, Rapunzel undid her long braid and leaned her head out of the window.  Mary seized hold of the end and slowly but surely heaved herself up it to where the child was sitting.

So it went on.  Each day after that Mary came and called to Rapunzel.  She climbed up her hair and spent a little amount of time with her, only so much as was needed to keep the child "normal".  Then the woman would descend back down the child's hair and fade into the darkness, leaving only a small bag of food to reassure Rapunzel that it hadn't been a dream.

After several months, a reasonably famous footballer came to do a photo shoot at the edge of the estate.  Something about him helping the city with funding or something but that is highly irrelevant.  The important thing is that he brought his teenage son (who happened to be called John) with him.  The boy wasn't at all interested in his Dad's supposed generosity and soon wondered off to explore the decrepit buildings.  After throwing pebbles at cats for a while he happened to pass under the very window that Rapunzel was sitting at.  Pausing, the sound of beautiful yet mournful music reached his ears.  He stood entranced, listening to her singing until it began to grow dark.

The sound of slightly muffled footsteps approached as Mary rounded the corner in her carpet slippers.  Ducking behind a trailer bin, John watched intently to see what this smelly old woman had to do with the mysterious voice.  To his amazement she called up before seemingly climbing into the darkness!  When she reappeared about twenty minutes later, John waited a short while before eagerly running forth to try himself.  Echoing the woman's cry, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!" he gasped as a glimmering length of golden hair appeared before his eyes.  Tugging it gently it seemed secure so, after a few bumps and bruises, he managed to ascend to the window.

Seeing the unfamiliar face appear over the railing, Rapunzel sprang backwards and hid behind the broken chair.  Terrified of the boy, having never seen one before, she peeked out and watched wide-eyed as he looked around.  After a while, it struck her that he was talking as though to an old friend and that, far from being the evil creature of her nightmares, he might just be ok.

Several hours later the distant sounds of shouting drifted up through the open window.  Jumping up, John consulted his flash sports watch before confirming that yes, he had to be going.  A feeling of gloom crept over Rapunzel and she looked away so as not to reveal the beads of disappointment falling from her eyes.  Feeling John's hand on her shoulder she turned to see him motioning towards her hair.  Of course.  If it was the only way up then it was also the only way down.  Just before he disappeared completely into the rapidly darkening twilight, John called up something that sounded like, "I'll be back, see you tomorrow!"  A muscle twitched in Rapunzel's face and her mouth slowly moved into what can only be described as a smile.

True to his word, John came back the next day, and the next, and the next.  They talked for many hours about many things, and eventually Rapunzel revealed all she knew of her past.  Not surprisingly, John was flabbergasted and at once began to resolve a plot for Rapunzel's escape.  Each day he would bring a stick and two lengths of string.  By the end of the fortnight they would have enough for a rope ladder reaching the ground.

Naturally, Mary had no idea of the goings on as she always came in the evening, and John had quickly learnt to be gone in time.  The ladder was getting longer day by day and Rapunzel became more and more excited.  Alas!  Being still only the tender age of thirteen her tongue slipped one evening as the hag was climbing over the railing.  Thoughtfully, she half muttered, "Tell me Mary, why is it that you are so heavy to draw up when John is with me in an instant?"
At once she bit her lip but it was too late.  The woman turned on her and shrieked, "You wicked child!  I thought I'd separated you from all the world yet you've deceived me!"  Her eyes flared and, in her anger, she pulled out a carving knife from her bag.  Rapunzel clasped her hands to her face and screamed for all her worth.  Reaching forwards Mary enclosed her hand around the braid and "Snip!"…the hair hung limply in her hand, just as the girl fell limply to the floor.

This was not enough to satisfy Mary though; it wasn't really an attack on Rapunzel as she was always complaining about the ridiculous length of her hair.  Grabbing the child's limp form, Mary affixed the braid to the windowsill and climbed down.  When Rapunzel awoke she was lying alone on the grass verge in the centre of a motorway junction (it's likely that she would have been left to die in a desert but there aren't many of those in Manchester).  Now you may be asking why Mary had taken the baby in the first place if she didn't care for her.  Good question.  You may also be wondering what would happen to Rapunzel next.  Another justifiable thought.  However you'll have to keep wondering because this story isn't going to tell you.

Back at the flat, Mary lay in wait for John.  When she heard him call she dangled the braid of hair out of the window and secured if so he could climb up.  As he slowly appeared she stood up and began to cackle insanely.  His mouth fell open in shock and confusion.  Waltzing forward Mary stroked one long fake nail along the underside of his chin and cooed, "Rapunzel isn't here deary, she had…a little accident" Stressing the word "accident" to imply some deeper, more sinister meaning, the woman's mouth curled into a sneer.  "Go home and play with your toys sonny, your friend isn't coming back."  With that she pushed John and he fell backwards to the ground.

Hitting the hard, cold floor John groaned.  He was alive, yes.  Mary may not have killed him but he was in a lot of pain.  The broken glass was jabbing into his flesh, making him feel like a human pincushion.  Half a brick was uncomfortably wedged under his spine and he could feel something sticky next to his elbow.  Slowly sitting up, he noticed his hand was resting on a syringe and quickly drew it in towards him.  He shivered.  Then he noticed that the world was half in darkness, everywhere that his right eye should have been able to see.  Being a sensible boy he knew he should get some help so began to limp off through the ruins of the estate.

Two hours later, John was sitting on an inhospitable plastic chair in the A&E department of the children's hospital.  Having been told to wait, "a little while," he wondered whether he would even be seen that day.  He tugged at the zip on his jacket and sorrowfully ran his finger over the rip along the length of one arm.  Why did bad things always happen to him?!

As he wallowed deeper in self-pity, almost forgetting about Rapunzel entirely, he heard a familiar voice.  His head jerked upwards.  His good eye scanned the room.  And there, wrapped in a blanket and in the arms of a strong policeman, was Rapunzel!  He limped over and the two went to embrace, before pausing and hitting each other affectionately on the shoulder.

Luckily for Rapunzel, somebody had spotted her from their car and called the emergency services before she walked out into the road.  Luckily for John, he wasn't all that badly injured and the temporary blindness was only due to a bit of dust.  Once they'd both been given the all clear the hospital staff phoned John's parents, but nobody knew Mary's telephone number (its doubtful that she even possessed a telephone for that matter).  Seeing as Rapunzel didn't actually want to go back to live with the smelly old woman though no one tried very hard to contact her.

While people rushed around trying to find some suitable accommodation, the two children waited patiently in a colourful room full of "Spot the Dog" books and toy monkeys.  At first they tried to talk but soon lapsed into silence.  This turned out for the better though, as it was during the silence that John remembered that he lived in a mansion.  Jumping up, he exclaimed, "You can stay with me!" and proceeded to dance around with excitement.

As it happened, John's parents were very kind people and didn't object to gaining a daughter at all.  John took hold of Rapunzel's hand, and so it was that he led her to his home where they were joyfully received, and they lived for a long time afterwards, happy and contented.